One Liners

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Add any of the following captions to your Instagram selfie.

  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name

  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory

  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

  • A day for firm decisions! Or is it?

  • A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff

  • All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though

  • All these elevators but I still get STARES

  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

  • Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no

  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

  • At dawn, we ride

  • At least this balloon is attracted to me!

  • Baddast bitch of all

  • Be a voice not an echo

  • Be bold or italic, never regular

  • Be honest with yourself. Brutally honest

  • Be lowkey and let em wonder

  • Be who you needed when you were younger

  • Be with someone who feels like home

  • Be you. Do you. For you


Also Read: Captions on Cats


  • Believe in your inner Beyonce

  • Better a witty fool than a foolish wit

  • Big ideas have small beginnings

  • Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people

  • Breaking news: I don't care

  • Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise

  • Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career

  • Create your own sunshine

  • Creative minds are rarely tidy

  • Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net

  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

  • Do me instead of doing drugs

  • Do not knock doors that weren't supposed to be closed in the first place

  • Don't be afraid of being different, be afraid of being the same as everyone else

  • Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you

  • Don't just exist,live

  • Don't let idiots ruin your day

  • Don't trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar

  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

  • Every day may not be good but there’s good in every day


Also Read: Captions on Shopping


  • Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."

  • Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software

  • First love, like the rain, is ever fresh

  • Focus on your life goals, couple goals can wait

  • For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitle

  • Forget the butterflies, I feel the whole zoo when I am with you

  • Friday, my second favorite F word

  • Friends marathon on Netflix, YES!

  • Girls be like…

  • God,Gools,Growing and Glowing

  • Good people bring out the good in people

  • Gratitude tells the universe you are ready for the unimaginable

  • Great things never came from comfort zones

  • Happy mind happy life

  • Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

  • Help, my duck face is stuck

  • Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

  • Hey, I just met you, this is crazy

  • How did I get back to my crib last night

  • How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!


Also Read: Instagram Quotes


  • I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial

  • I am sassy and I know it!

  • I didn't want to let you go

  • I didn’t change, I just found myself

  • I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem

  • I don't know when I'm going but I'm on my way

  • I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”

  • I got lost in thoughts. It was unfamiliar territory

  • I had fun once, it was horrible

  • I like cooties

  • I love my life because it’s you

  • I love things that make you happy

  • I must destroy you with hugs and kisses

  • I never loved another person the way I loved myself

  • I read the twilight books

  • I started with nothing, and I still have most of it

  • I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it

  • I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

  • I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it

  • I will eat just one, I swear


Also Read: One word Captions


  • I woke up like this

  • I would like to slip into something more comfortable - like a coma

  • If I know what love is, it is because of you

  • If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms

  • If it costs you your peace it's too expensive

  • If nothing was learned, nothing was taught

  • If you are here - who is running hell?

  • If you can not be positive, then at least, be quiet

  • If you do not belong here, keep going

  • If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost

  • If you stumble, make it part of the dance

  • Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

  • It never rains during the weekend

  • I’d rather laugh with the sinners

  • I’m not lazy, just relaxed

  • I’ve only been in love with a beer and a mirror

  • Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an a...

  • Just a vibe you won't find no where else

  • Keep it simple,babe

  • Leave a little sparkle everywhere you go!


Also Read: Captions for Selfie


  • Life doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger

  • Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind

  • Life is too short, propose your first sight love

  • Live your life and forget your age

  • Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun

  • Look at the start, look how they shine for you

  • May your sown seeds never grow into disappointment

  • Me against myself

  • Meet my PARTNER in CRIME!

  • My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business

  • My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts

  • My world, my heart, my everything!

  • No friendship is an accident

  • Nobody really likes us except for us

  • Not heartless, Just using my heartless

  • Of course, love is blind; it keeps me blind to myself

  • Oh you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?

  • On one hand, I extend into myself, the other toward others

  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes

  • Own who you are


Also Read: Captions on Music


  • People come back stronger

  • People show their true colors, unintentionally, Pay attention

  • Pussy run everything

  • Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the star

  • Rain or shine, I'm always here for you!

  • Real feelings don't just "go away"

  • Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you

  • Sad to see you go @summer

  • Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it

  • Somedays we need inner peace more than the company

  • Sometimes I think why I'm alive?

  • Sometimes it's okay if the only thing you did today was breathed

  • Sometimes you win & Sometimes you learn

  • Sounds like its time to get that Enterprise built!

  • Speak only if it improves upon the silence

  • Start each day with a grateful heart

  • Start now, not tomorrow

  • Stay Beautiful

  • Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it

  • stop stop, I’m gunna pee


Also Read: Captions on Food


  • Stop waiting for Monday, January first or anything else. Start now

  • Strong women rule the world

  • Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

  • Sure, I'd love to help you out ... now, which way did you come in?

  • survived another “end of the world” scenario

  • Sweet as sugar hard as ice hurt me once, I’ll kill you twice

  • Take my advice — I'm not using it

  • Take the risk or lose the chance

  • Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer

  • Thank you for making me feel less alone

  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the chees

  • The impossible is now possible

  • The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list

  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes

  • The only thing I miss is your smile:-)

  • The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills

  • The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back

  • The slow process is better than no progress

  • The world is changed by your example, not your opinion

  • There is beauty in simplicity


Also Read: Captions on Phones


  • There is no dance without the dancers

  • There’s no “we” in fries

  • These are the golden days

  • They can't shine without darkness

  • They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friend's home!

  • This seat is taken

  • This won’t last

  • Time does'nt exist. Clocks exists

  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research

  • To turn deaf every single time past hurts calls

  • Today is a good day for cake

  • Today is the day

  • Too glam to give a damn

  • Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right

  • Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny

  • Two Friends On A Perfect Day!

  • Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior

  • Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes...

  • Walk like you have three men walking behind you

  • We are all prisoners of someone or something


Also Read: Captions on Dogs


  • we made it, it’s Friday!

  • We should probably cuddle now

  • We'll find a way through the dark

  • Welcome to Utah: set your watch back 20 years

  • What do you think of the view?

  • When daydreams become realit

  • When someone else's happiness is your happiness, That is love

  • When you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine

  • When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails

  • Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?

  • Winners never quit and quitters never win

  • Women drivers rev my engine

  • Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself

  • World Series attitude, champagne bottle life

  • you are enough

  • You are what I need in my life

  • You aren't wealthy until you have something money can't buy

  • You can never love people as much as you miss them

  • You can. End of story

  • You could be a fascinating rainbow yet not exist in their sky


Also Read: Captions on Money


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